Don't Be A Negaton
Season 1, Episode 105
Air date October 26, 2008
Episode guide

Don't Be A Negaton is the fifth episode of season 1.



The episode begins with a casino wedding which seems innocent enough, though lifting the veil on the bride reveals her to be none other than Jacknife before he punches out the groom and takes off with the gold ring on his finger.  He flees from the congregation and possible authorities into the casino, though it isn't long before Jailbot emerges from his disguise as a slot machine and takes off after him.  After a rather chaotic chase (ending with the casino in shambles inside, totalled by its own sign outside, and even the fire engines crumpled in wreckage) Jailbot takes Jacknife back to Superjail.

The misadventure starts with the Warden indulging in relaxation via new age sounds on headphones, only to have his bliss interrupted by a frantically waving and shouting Jared.  ("Jared, what's with the hissyfit? You really need to relax!" "...I WAS relaxing, sir!") The Warden informs Jared that he wasn't always the cool, collected charmster he is today before he found The Power Pyramid, by motivational speaker D.L Diamond.  While Jared is skeptical of the mumbo-jumbo, his argument doesn't serve much good since the Warden has already decided to invite D.L. Diamond to Superjail to present one of his motivational presentations.

D.L. Diamond's presentation of course includes the all too typical flare and embellished motivational logic of anyone simply trying to sell tapes and merchandise. But naturally everyone at Superjail (save for Jared) is immediately immersed in his ideas of utilizing overpriced power crystals, and unlocking the prisons of their minds with Diamond's tapes in order to defeat 'Negatons', or evil alien creatures that Diamond preaches to be residing inside the body that he himself was taught to defeat by the Galactoids. The Warden is nothing short of elated that D.L. Diamond is at his Superjail, and Alice seems somewhat enamored with Diamond after he makes a pass at her.

Jared nearly succumbs to giving Diamond's methods a try to defeat his fifteen year depression, but upon intruding on Diamond without his stage make-up, he learns that the motivational speaker is a fraud and sets out on the futile task of saving everyone at Superjail from the predatory ploys of this con artist.

In a final performance before he leaves Superjail, Diamond begins to hand out tubes of 'space dust' needed to meet the Galactoids (nothing short of a hallcinogen of course, in which Diamond planned to plunder Superjail while everyone was too disoriented to stop him). Jared immediately outs Diamond as Darrel 'the Dime' Diamond, a criminal guilty of such offenses as impersonating the handicapped, assaulting a donkey, tagging the elderly, and other outrageous offenses that the Warden immediately disregards as Jared 'being a Negaton'. Understandably frustrated, Jared sets out to prove that the space dust is deadly by taking a hit of it himself by snorting it. As he begins freaking out, the Warden proclaims that Jared's fine, and that he'll 'See you on the other side of space, brothers!!' before taking a hit, followed by the rest of the inmates and staff.

In their drug-induced collective state of mind, Superjail is plunged into an array of colors and optical illusions that bypass even the regularity of the prison's reality.  But then of course Jared's negative state of mind invokes the downhill turn of the once peaceful, utopian high into a brutal and surreal slaughter of the inmates by the figments of hallucination.  (While meditating, an inmate's hair turns into a bundle of snakes that proceed to gnaw his face down to the bone in on instance.  A peace-sign hand drains its American colors and sprouts teeth to rip apart the torsos of a pair of onlooking inmates in another instance, and the carnage only continues in Alice in Wonderland styled fluidity.) Fully meaning to take advantage of the confusion, Diamond and his groupies proceed to make off with all the money and valuables Superjail has to offer (only to be chased off into his van as the monsters and demons from the hallucinations solidfy into real beings).  But flashing lights on a saucer-shaped alien ship that come crashing through the roof and blasting away the monsters have D.L horrified to learn that the Galactoids he thought to have invented for his franchise happen to be real. He attempts to drive away, only to have the top of his van cut open and to be abducted himself onto the alien ship before it takes off into the night sky.

Everyone at Superjail meanwhile awakens from their hallucinations, just in time to watch the Galactoid ship take off with Diamond in tow.  The Warden of course blames Jared that they'll never get to meet the Galactoids now, and Jared takes this alongside Alice's smack upside his head with a grain of salt and resignation.

Aboard the ship, Diamond is terrified of his captors and claims that he was going to split everything between them.  ("Sixty-forty!!  All right, seventy-thirty fellas, but that's my final offer, baby!!")  But of course the colorful race of Galactoids only wish to welcome him aboard to join the party, which he eagerly accepts.